Group Stories

CAROLS STORY
I had a very happy childhood along with my 3 brothers and sister our parents were great,always ready to sort out any problems which came along.
My first disaster was after my marriage and my pending pregnancies.My first pregnancy resulted in a premature stillborn, my second in miscarriage and my third was aborted due to problems. I of course was devastated as was my husband who asked the Doctor why was it happening, he replied that I may never have a child but just keep trying because anything was possible .My husband told me I was a freak and that he was leaving me for my best friend who could give him the family he wanted while he was young enough to enjoy them.
I got over the divorce quickly as I realised that he wasn't worth my tears and the depression I was feeling.Then I realised it wasn't for him but for the babies I had lost and the fact that I just knew that I would never have a family of my own.
I consider myself very lucky as my family including my Nieces/Nephews and now their children have always found time for me through their lives and always keep in touch. They have helped me so much especially when my younger brother died at the age of 39 with an unexpected heart attack, there was only 11 months between us so we were very close. I thought I would never get over it,then exactly a year later my father died.more heart ache.
Time is a great healer which I was grateful for when my Darling eldest Nephew was killed in an accident, I wanted to kill the man who was in his late seventies for killing him and which almost killed his girlfriend I think the hatred I had for this man kept me going for years as we were waiting for him to return to England from Australia to stand trial for reckless driving and falling asleep at the wheel of the vehicle he had been driving for 14 hours without a break.Unfortunately after a few years he was never well enough to travel back to the U.K.
My depression at this time was diverted as I knew that I had to help my Sister and Brother-in-law,also my niece to come to terms with the loss.I cried alone and smiled for them.My Nephew and Godson will never be forgotten as there are three presentation cups named after him at Aveley sports centre for football.Which my sister presents every year.
Then at the age of 79 years and 51 weeks my mother died,she was cremated on her 80th birthday 17th march, she was sadly missed and she always will be by me.we spent every weekend together and I used to call her at least twice a day,I still miss the calls and telling her my troubles.
On August 29th 2005 I was coming back from a barbecue at my brothers home with my friend and her husband when the Taxi in which we were travelling in got hit by another car who's driver was over the drink/drive limit and also uninsured, he did stop thankfully and was arrested at the scene of the accident.Both cars were a write off although the occupants in the other car were not injured at all ,We in our taxi all had to go to Hospital,I was injured quite badly with facial lacerations and bad bruising I needed 13 internal stitches around the eye and 18 stitches outside, my body and legs were severely bruised and my left leg although previously under the hospital for a replacement hip in 2006/7 needed the hip replaced due to deterioration following the impact.I had to take six months off work.
I resumed work at the beginning of February 2006 and I had also restarted to look for a new home with a garden.I had had several let downs with people pulling out at the last minute costing me over three thousand pounds without moving from my front door in surveyors fees and it was looking as if there was no hope for me to get a new life somewhere else following let down after let down, I was getting very low. and after being back at work for a few weeks my boss had to tell me that my job was no more and that my office was closing down and the personnel were moving to another area but there was no job for me, so I had to retire on my 62nd birthday, I really didn't want to finish working as I couldn't imagine having nothing to do all day.I have worked all my life since I was 15.I was so sad but eventually I found a house with a decent size garden but the buyer of my property wanted to move into the flat within five weeks,so I had to pack up before the house I was buying became available and put my home in storage with friends and also move in with one too. it was a very stressful time and I lost patience with all of the other estate agents in the chain, my friend was great but I was worried in-case our friendship was tested luckily it wasn't,eventuallyI took possession of the keys after waiting all day for them to be handed over.There was one excuse after another from the previous tenants as to why they were not out as stated on the purchase documents but I eventually got the keys at 6pm on the 18th of May 2006 but moved in on the 20th because the property was filthy and needed cleaning from top to bottom before I would allow anything of mine to be put in it.The previous owners hadn't packed anything before the day they moved out so nothing had been swept cleaned and dusted and the family and friends that were helping me to move in couldn't believe the mess they had left me.they told me they were leaving the carpets and curtains but had only left the dirty carpets that they had used as underlay. and the curtains that they had left up at the windows were only fit for the rag bag,I had no light bulbs and worst of all, no internal doors.massive holes in the walls of the bedrooms where they had torn down units and shelves,and the lounge and dinning room walls downstairs had been scribbled on by the kids.and the freezer took three days to defrost leaving me with defrosted foods all over the floor,but at least now I could open the freezer door and put my own food in it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing I felt devastated and started to cry.All the family said I would soon get it sorted and that it would be fine they knew I would not live with the mess and dirt so naturally thought I'd cope as I always have before, but this time it was too hard for me, I had come to this horrible home without any family or friend anywhere near. I didn"t know which way to turn.so I didn't do anything.I couldn't eat, sleep,go out, I just sat around crying all the time,I had no phone for two weeks and wouldn't answer my mobile and because I wouldn't speak to anyone my Sister-in-law was worried and came over she was shocked to see the state I was in,she tried to take me out but I wouldn't go and when I did go out I didn't want to come back.I couldn't shop because I didn't know what I wanted, I kept forgetting what day it was and my memory was virtually non-existent.the only positive thing I did throughout was getting up daily and having a shower with clean clothes.however I didn't wash the dirty clothes.thankfully my sister-in-law did.she stayed with me most days going to work from here to London every day but coming back to my house to cook me food and to see I was o.k.and sort out my mail which I was ignoring along with everything else.
Then my life changed for the better,In the locaI paper was the notification of a Depression Group in Basildon not far from the house,my sister-in-law rang the organiser Mike Parker,without my knowledge and left a message about me on his answerphone,Mike rang back when I was on my own so I was forced to answer questions which for weeks had been answered by someone in my stead,I was very shaky and kept crying but said that I would attend the group on tuesday,not really thinking that I would or could but my sister-in-law came over straight from work and took me there,I was terrified,I tried to talk but cried and cried but everyone that was there was so kind,gentle and friendly and after all these months I consider myself very lucky to have found the group and the friends there and hope that I will continue to feel better and to know that I have only to pick up the phone and call someone in the group if I am down.The group is my life line and I will continue to use it as such.

CAROL February 2007