Jean's Story

Jean’s Story


When I was about 5, my mother gave me some news. She said she was pregnant, and since we only had a two-bedroom house, I would have to go into a Home. She left me at St Barnados. I was sexually abused in there by the staff. Depression and fear were my way of life. I felt like a total nothing.
I was there for about 5 years, I always made friends and sometimes they let me down. But some of my friends have been lifetime friends.
When I worked, I was a GPO telephonist, I loved my job, and was told I was good at it. They had me all over Essex on relief, and despite the pressure I enjoyed it, made friends and had some happy times. Eventually everything became too much and I had a breakdown. I still miss my job all these years later.
Happy times were soon gone when I married. He turned out to be a violent drunk. He beat me and starved me. When I was on benefits he took all the money for drink, he called me terrible things, and eventually went to prison for arson. I divorced him.

My life became a cycle of depression, breakdowns, and mental hospitals. Endless medications, I still take a dozen tablets a day, and I have had electric shock treatment. For years I ended up in the wards about once a year because I couldn’t handle life. Sometimes the loneliness is terrible, and I am severely affected by physical illness and can’t go out. I’m waiting for a hip operation and am in constant pain, as well as having several other illnesses.

Ten years ago I met Mike Parker at a Mind day centre. He was so depressed and lost, and I asked him if he would like a cup of tea. He became my friend and visited me at home about once a week. He sat there in silence mostly, we would watch videos and drink tea. Sometimes we would go to the Mind Sunday lunches. For weeks Mike could hardly speak, and seemed unable to take care of himself or his appearance. Gradually he became a little more able to talk, although his car was repossessed and his phone was cut off, and he was threatened with bailiffs and eviction.

Six years later we were still friends, and went out sometimes when I was able.
Mike’s wife returned after many months, but he would come over on Saturday mornings, and gradually I saw him recovering, although sometimes, like me, he would slip back into deep depressions. I still ended up in the Mental Health Unit once a year.

One day I was looking in the local paper too see if there were any depression groups, and saw one in Southend and one in Chelmsford. I asked Mike if there was any way we could start one in Basildon. Mike put a postcard in a shop window, and I called the local church to see if we could rent a room. A month later, four of us arrived for our first meeting. That was three and a half years ago. We started out as once a month, then twice, then every week, then twice a week, then a Saturday coffee morning. One Tuesday 23 people turned up.
I made many good friends, some of them I still see, and continue to make new ones, though I can hardly ever get to the group because I can’t walk any more, with the arthritis. Mike comes round once or twice a week if he can, and group members phone me. My depressions still come in cycles, but I have never been back to the Mental Hospital since the group started. Mike’s Ten Points start out with “Choose Life” and it has saved me from overdoses which used to be regular for me. When I’m suicidal I phone Mike. I phoned my doctor one night when I couldn’t get any help from the emergency mental health team, and he struck me off his list for bothering him. My psychiatrist came to see me eighteen months ago and said since I am so disabled he would visit me regularly. He has never been back. Over the years they have upped the medications, and for a long while gave me painful anti-depressant injections which always made me ill.

I learned to talk about myself in the group gradually, and tell my story sometimes although it is very difficult for me. The main thing is the support of people with the same illness, and the care I feel from them. Mike says he needed me at the group because I know how to smile and welcome people, especially new people.

If I ever have the hip operation I would love to be at the group every week like I used to. After a year in the group I was able to fly to Guernsey to visit my relatives there. I kept cancelling plans, but the group encouraged me. I actually made it to a meeting a few weeks back, but I was in pain, and know I am housebound until after my operation. One day I will be able to walk again, and look forward to meeting all my friends every week….

Jean. Feb 2007